Sep 24.

9/24/2025 11:01. Correspondence 39

Wednesdays are by far my busiest days, and funnily enough, it's one of the days I have the least amount of classes. It just always seems people love doing stuff on Wednesdays, be it noon, evening, or night.
Life is so paradoxical. All aspects of living contradict each other. That's at least what I have experienced. It's always a battle of wants and needs and dreams and disappointments. It is the same rigamarole every Wednesday: 

1. I see my schedule full of events I set for myself because I was interested in them, and I feel anxious and overwhelmed at it all and start trying to convince myself just not to go to any of it.

2. I silence that side of myself and gain the will to go to all my commitments.

3. I leave the commitments late and exhausted, but fulfilled and contented with myself.

That's how it always is. That's how it was today, and to confirm, I feel very happy and contented with myself. I bettered my mind by completing homework and readings for my classes, and I set up a bunch of good appointments to better my experiences and opportunities on campus. I rekindled my passion and joy for editing by starting to edit a video to get into SGTV, and I worked myself to shaking arms and legs in fencing, and I feel so good because of it. 

What wonderful things I've done today that have made me a happier person. 

Why then do I dread every Wednesday? Why do I have to fight my brain and body to stop scrolling and get off my couch? I know I have something fulfilling waiting for me. Something I signed up for because I thought it sounded cool. Something I wanted to do. Why does my brain seemingly forget that fact as soon as I am supposed to do it? 

Paradoxical, I tell you.

Someone should do research into it. 

That is all for the night.

Calvin Landreth