Sep 2.

9/2/2025 8:48. Correspondence 18

Well, I'm in the thick of it now. And I'm feeling it. This week, things got real. Finally getting some big, scary assignments my way. The thing is, I have been studying and working hard. I think my biggest fear is that the amount of effort I have put into these classes will not be reflected. That I will give it everything I've got, and it won't be enough. What then? What do I do then? It terrifies me. The possibility that I just won't be enough. I believe so fully that if you put your mind to anything enough, you can accomplish anything. That is one of my core beliefs and values. What happens if I get proven wrong? I do not want to find out. 

Despite my many anxieties of the day, I must mention a moment where I felt so truly happy and myself. My American literature professor brought his dog, Tulip, to class. As soon as I saw her smile and excited tail wag, I softened a bit. It was a joy and truly a highlight of my day. Tulip reminded me so very much of Goosers in the fact that she just seemed to exhibit endless optimism. A never-ending amount of energy to keep a taiol waging. I needed that today. I needed to be reminded of simple happiness and joy. The positivity and optimism of good dogs are truly infectious. I found it extremely ironic that we were discussing Puritan ideals of sin and devotion. We were learning about the extremely strict Puritan interpretation of the New and Old Testaments, chief of which is that everybody inherits Adam and Eve's original sin and is destined to hell no matter what they do. As we were being lectured on how all this spawned from hard realities and misery, there was a beacon of pure joy and happiness blissfully chewing on a bone our professor provided her. Was a lucky creature. What true purity. Don't we all wish to be a dog like Tulip, free from sin, misery, and knowledge of our own fate? 

All these thoughts reminded me of a beautiful song, I do recommend a listen and read of the lyrics: https://youtu.be/a820Xo4XdB8?si=mQLZAruGaJlwIS-f

 I will close today with a short poem describing my experience with our first dorm fire drill. 

An illuminated self sits hunched,

Clicking translations of words he knows 

Constantly fearful of what he doesn't

What are you attempting to do?

我不知道

A shrill ringing starts outside 

Moments of confusion as it starts to click

The sound breaks in and permeates the hall

What exactly is going on? 

 我不知道

Passing people with a thousand expressions 

The door gives, and I start to descend 

6 future flights fight me as I make it to 1

Where were we supposed to meet? 

我不知道

That's all, folks. I'll be seeing you.

Calvin Landreth