Dec. 12

12/12/2025 10:51 Correspondence 115

So this is it, folks, my last post for the holiday season. I have made it. I have survived my first semester. And you have followed me through it all. 

How do you think I did? 

I write this now,  back at home, surrounded by loved ones and lights, it's difficult for me to see the past. And maybe that's a beautiful thing. I am so distracted by the wonderful, cozy, pretty things all around me that I'm frankly finding it difficult to worry about the future or the past. I am in this moment. So truly. So fully. I am at peace. 

I am at home.

And I think that's the most beautiful change that has been made. I think this first semester of college has helped me appreciate the little things and the little moments. The little beautiful human interactions that are so pure and real. It's helped me see what I have and how to appreciate it. I think it's built me to be a better friend and family member. Or at least I hope so. 

I read a comic recently about a character struggling to be a good dad. He adopted a son had no idea what to do. He felt lost and like a failure. (The comic was Batman and Robin: Year One, for those curious). He went to someone close for advice and simply asked, "How do I know if I'm being a good dad?" And his friend's response was simply "You won't and never will."

"But the simple act of asking and searching for an answer makes you one of the best." 

And that has stayed with me. That idea as a whole. I'm enamored with it.

The notion that there are things in life that are arbitrary and meaningless, but the very act of searching for them makes them true. That strikes me so deeply.

I try desperately to be "perfect." I find myself destroying myself in the search for perfection. I worked so hard this semester to be a perfect student, a perfect son, a perfect partner, and a perfect friend.

 But what I think this semester as a whole has helped me learn is to be content with who I am and what I do. It has helped me learn that perfection is impossible and meaningless, but the very act of wanting to be better will carry me further than anything at all. 

Groath is a truly stunning thing. And maybe the biggest growth I've made so far is in efforts to be content with myself and my abilities. And the aspiration for continued growth. 

This semester has been a beautiful thing I wouldn't change for the world. The days are very often long and difficult, but it feels so good to stand now above it all. 

But as I said at the beginning, now is not the time to pick over every day. Every win and mistake. But now is the time to love every day and person close unconditionally.
That's what I want to leave with at least.

I will most likely be gone until January 12th. There is always the possibility that I want to share a fun story or long for the comfort of this blue screen and do an update before then. But if this is the end of an era, I wish you a truly wonderful holiday and a delightful new year. 

Thank you for joining me. 

Goodnight, 

Calvin Landreth