Nov. 11

11/11/2025 8:38 Correspondence 84

Do you believe motivation is a resource? Do you? Do you? I don't know. 

I envy those that don't care as much about all the little things. I was walking to a friend the other day in a U101 focus group. They shared with me that they have used every one of their absences in all of their classes (we get three unexcused absences for classes that take attendance). That is so unthinkable for me. I have only missed one day in two different classes, and even that was planned and I communicated with my professors and got it excused, and got all the things I missed. And yet even then, I felt guilty. As insane and busy and crazy this end of the semester is feeling, I genuinely can't imagine skipping a class because I don't feel like going that day. And let me tell you, I have often not felt like going to class. 

It is an odd moment I find myself in. I go to all my classes and try my best in those moments, but when I get out and find my own time, I get so bogged down by things that I find it difficult to move. What a strange, odd feeling. 

And I do realize I'm most likely saying nothing new. I am surely just commenting on a collective emotion many like me are facing at this time. Yet I find it curious that there is no good answer still.  

One last comment on this existential night. I have friends, I feel like I have documented that, and many still grow. I do, however, still lament a friend I have yet to find. I feel like I do not have anyone who shares my sense of humor. I don't really have one I can make jokes to and riff with. No one to make stupid characters and bits. My two comedic best partners, yes, the one in the classes and the one on the pod, are many miles away and with people of their own. I must reserve my jokes and bits, and ideas for texts and call conversations on full moons. 

Oh alack. 

Goodnight, dear friends,

Calvin Landreth