Sep 23.

9/23/2025 7:47. Correspondence 38
Today has been interesting. Strange. I know I'm not the only one who's felt it. All through today, I have had this prolonged sense of anxiety. Anxiety is no new beast to me; I have felt it many times before. But today is different. I can not for the life of me pinpoint it. I have gotten all my work done, I completed my classes to the best of my ability, I attended all my meetings, and I've even had some really valuable conversations. 

Why is it then that I can't sit still? It has been hard to get me to do anything today because it's such a distracting and motivation-breaking feeling. I even sat in front of my computer for about 30 minutes just procrastinating writing this entry.
I frankly am at a loss. I have no explanations or reasons. And that's what bothers me most. We have been learning about philosophes and Enlightenment thinking. The belief that the world can be deduced to a science; That effects have replicable causes. Reason and logic will always triumph over the supernatural. To take a page from those thoughts, my anxiety has a cause that can simply be deduced and addressed. Why then has it been so elusive all day? What impending doom does my body identify that my mind can not discover?

A truly horrendous feeling to be stuck in.

I am not stuck in the feeling alone, a fact that does not bring much comfort, for I do not want to spread my restless unease. My divine girlfriend shared the fact that she has shared similar emotions to mine throughout the day. She shared with me this poem:

I know that life is worth living

I know it 

Yet on these days, when I feel the ache

The emptiness

The loneliness

I am not so sure

What is the meaning of life?

The stars ask the moon

What was I put here to do?

The rivers ask the trees

I am not so sure 

Said the Universe, high above 

You are not the river, or the trees

You are not the stars, nor the moon in the sky

But you are here

And there is purpose 

And that is enough

Said the Universe, high above 

Those lines have been on my mind since I read them.

I hope you sleep restfully tonight, dear reader. 

Calvin Landreth