Nov. 12

11/12/2025 10:14 Correspondence 85

During stretches before fencing, we did a stretch where we lay on our backs and held our knees to our chest. "Lie on your back and put your right knee to our chest," he says. And I do. I usually close my eyes during this, don't ask me why, for I don't know. But I did not today. I kept my eyes open and stared at the ceiling. And frankly, I was afraid of what stared back. Have you ever lain back and just looked up? For a decent amount of time? I encourage you, do it now. Do it for at least two full minutes. Look up to where you can see only the even plane of the ceiling as much as you can.   

Here is a two minet timer, hit play and start. 

What did you see up there? You realize just how little you spend looking up while doing this. You realize how little you look at something so familiar. Was it scary? Was it unsettling?

 I will tell you about my experience. It was nostalgic and haunting. I was staring at the ceiling of this gym and felt myself sinking into the floor. I felt myself growing younger, back to elementary school, passing time in PE class, watching the dust dance in the afternoon beam of light. I felt my innocence and ignorance. I felt my contentment and simplicity. I sank further into the cold gym floor and felt myself knee high. I felt myself picking weeds at recess and reading cozy books. I felt myself not being able to open the top cabinets and being eye level with the oven. I felt happy and unburdened.

"Other knee," he says. I follow 

The gym's segmented ceiling started to twist around me. It fixed me in place. Fixed my mind on unreachable times. There was a ceiling fan up there, too. It hypnotized me, lulled me. I sank deeper still into the floor. I saw images of an old VHS and a cold room. Foggy spaces full of holes, but the feelings and senses are still firmly in place.  It was pre-school. The one I creid in for two full days when I was first dropped off. I felt the chill, a mix of a broken radiator and a morning before dawn. I feel the hand on my back push me forward as the door behind me closes. I'm struck, trapped, alone in this dark, musty room full of others who seem more comfortable. Schooby doo, I don't know which one, is playing on the TV. It's old and making a delightful earpeaceing ring. It's dark and I'm confused. 

I feel this. I connect with this. 

I start to explore this space, the teacher's decoration peeling off the walls, the shelves of children's books, and the VHS tapes, the slightly sticky toys on the.. 

"Okay, guys, now stand up, and put your right arm over your left." 

The world untwists. I am in an ordinary gym staring at an ordinary ceiling. I am 18, and a lot of things have gotten me to this moment. And I guess I need to put my right arm over my left now.  

That's my experience at least. 

I wonder what you saw up there. 

Sincearly, 

Calvin Landreth